


Mary's Choice

by Deleaf



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cheating, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, John has like one (1) line in this, Mary-Centric, Morally Ambiguous Character, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Season/Series 04, failing marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23744344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deleaf/pseuds/Deleaf
Summary: Mary realizes John has been cheating on her.  She thinks it's with Sherlock.
Relationships: Mary Morstan & Rosamund Mary "Rosie" Watson, Mary Morstan/John Watson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Mary's Choice

Mary knew her husband was cheating on her. Her training ensured she picked up on even the smallest details in human interaction. And while she dreamed about being able to let her guard down, she knew it wasn't likely. She had made herself into a thief and a killer. To let the smallest piece of information slip her by now...she would lose who she was.

Even if she hated herself, she couldn't bear to let that happen.

She realized what was going on one afternoon while making dinner for her family. She calmly watched John feed little Rosie while chopping up bell peppers for a quiche. It was the sort of Saturday Mary was slowly but surely getting used to. She loved the soft gray hues of the London sky and the scent of John cologne mingling with Rosie’s natural smell. She simply adored living in one place long enough that water from another city tasted off and feeling comfortable in the presence of the neighbours.

John smiled at his daughter. The lines around his eyes were perhaps too deep for a first time father, but John made up for his age with an enthusiasm toward his child that rivaled most thirty-year-olds.

“Buzzz!” the man snaked the spoon of baby formula into Rosie’s mouth. She smiled and giggled.

Then, in that peaceful afternoon, it happened. John’s phone vibrated on the kitchen table. Despite how enamoured he seemed with his daughter a moment earlier, the man immediately switched over to the phone. His face transformed into a smile Mary hadn’t seen since she and John first got together.

A spark of jealousy flared in Mary’s gut as she schooled her expression into neutrality.  _ It was nothing _ , she reassured herself, but doubts plagued her mind. She had been suspecting something was off with John for a while now. He kept glancing at his phone and spending a little too much time with Rosie as if he were guilty about something. Mary searched in her mind to find a date for when the behaviour started, but came up blank.

_ What was going on? _

She knew, of course, about  _ Three-Continents-Watson  _ here. She knew about her husband’s many exploits over his military and university days, but never knew him to cheat. Mary always figured if her husband ran off to find some other woman, he’d at least tell her first.

The fact that he hadn’t...Mary wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or offended. Did he want to stay in the marriage badly enough to keep this from her? Or did he just not care to tell her?

Mary could only watch sadly as John smiled down at his phone once more before hastily cleaning Rosie’ face and moving out of the kitchen--presumably to carry on his conversation in private.

Mary sighed and moved over to Rosie before the anxiety could overwhelm her.

“What am I going to do, Rosie?” Mary asked her child. Rosie babbled without understanding. Mary could only place her hand delicately against her daughter’s soft hair. Rosie leaned against her happily, not having the slightest idea that the woman she knew as her mother had killed people just as innocent as herself. Mary sighed. Maybe she deserved this after all. She hated to admit it, but in her heart she had been expecting something like this for awhile now. There was only so long before her husband gave up on the woman who lied to him and acted against his core values for so long.

Mary shook her head against the thought. A few years ago she would never have felt this guilty about her actions. John had changed her. In all honesty, it was part of the reason she chose to be with him in the first place; she figured if he could form a connection with  _ Sherlock Holmes _ of all people, surely he could do something for a garden-variety retired assassin.

In the years before she met him, she bounced between friends and men trying to fill a gap inside. After she quit her work as a mercenary, she had far too much time on her hands for self-reflection. As the months flew by without incident, she started to lose the protection constant fear and danger had given her from her inside world.

She recognized her need for change was less out of fear of being a bad person, but out of the knowledge that if she did nothing she would never truly form a connection with anyone. The friends she didn’t lose she kept by playing whatever part they assigned her. Not only was it exhausting, but fed into her growing fear that she would die without ever being actually loved.

There were people who loved whatever they thought she was, of course. Men who didn’t realize that the only reason she kept sleeping with them was the roof they kept over her head. There were friends who couldn’t relate to the woman who had never been in a serious relationship and wouldn't open up about her past as they juggled kids and dysfunctional family relationships. There were colleagues who seemed to be made entirely of banal opinions and small talk.

Janine was the first person she could relate to for quite awhile. Most people would be deterred by Janine’s manipulation, but her and Mary were really just two peas in a pod in that manner. So, after a few years of rock-solid friendship (strange given how neither woman was willing to share much about their past) she made Janine her maid of honour.

Soon after Janine, she met John. He was handsome in an underrated sort of way. He didn’t brag about his past, but it was nevertheless a curiosity. He was a man who had fought in war and put solving crimes ahead of his career. He had just the right mix of kindness and stubbornness that made Mary believe she had found a solution .

He didn’t completely fix her--Mary could admit that people with a normal amount of empathy didn’t go around shooting people. Yet Mary felt a piece of her settle whenever she was with him. It didn’t take long for her to start explaining to a rather bemused Janine that she had met her soulmate.

And now here she was, the possibility of a failed marriage in front of her with the same sour tang she knew it would.

_ No _ , she thought.  _ This can’t be it _ . She pacified herself on the idea that John would eventually dump the woman and come forward with his affair.

Maybe he would’ve left her if they were alone, but he’d never let Rosie grow up in a broken home.

Mary stroked her daughter’s head once more and went back to her quiche.

  
  
  


As Mary lay awake in their bed that night, she couldn’t help but wonder who John was cheating on her with. Maybe that barrista he made eyes at when he and Mary finally squeezed in time for a date. Maybe the new intern at their work who was at least ten years younger than Mary and far more sweet. Perhaps some ex-girlfriend who made a reappearance.

Mary was running through a list of the women they knew when a thought occurred to her:  _ what if it was a man? _

Mary had known John was at least somewhat attracted to men for quite some time now, even if he was far from accepting it himself. Frankly, she always thought it would take a massive identity crisis and at least a year of therapy to get him to even consider himself as anything other than straight.

Numerous times, Mary had thought about bringing it up, but knew he wouldn’t take it well, and it wouldn’t exactly be in her best interest.

After all, Mary knew of a least a couple of men John held more than a passing infatuation with: Sholto for one, and of course there was--

\-- _ Sherlock _ .

Mary froze as the realization shook her.

_ Of course _ .

If there was one person John would defy the bounds of their marriage for, it was Sherlock Holmes. He was also the one person he would possibly leave Mary for.

Mary looked at her peacefully sleeping husband next to her.  _ Would even Rosie keep him there? _

Mary knew the answer in her heart:  _ no _ .

Maybe John would even try to raise her with Sherlock. The thought made Mary smile self-deprecatingly. She couldn’t imagine the detective would be a very good father, but if Mary was the competition...he might just win. Aside from that, she knew from experience that people were full of surprises. She herself was a better mother than she ever imagined she would be, so who was to say Sherlock wouldn’t stand up to the task?

Mary closed her eyes tightly against the thought. What was she going to do? She supposed a divorced John was better than no John at all, but how would she fair without Rosie in her life? She knew that if John was indeed texting Sherlock all this time, Mycroft would likely help with any legal fees the divorce took. What were the chances she would get any custody at all with the British Government working against her?

Dimly, Mary imagined herself going on the run with Rosie, but knew she could never do it. When she fell pregnant, under the first glow of motherhood, she had promised herself she would give her daughter the most normal life she could. Maybe she’d even be happy growing up with the detective and his blogger. Rosie could grow up under the watchful gaze of Mycroft while receiving the kind of emotional support Mary never did.

Maybe she’d even be normal. She wouldn’t have to live with a gun where her heart should be like Mary did. She wouldn’t have to go to sleep each night with the burden of relating to the villains more than the heroines in all the stories she heard.

Mary observed John’s peacefully sleeping face and intertwined their sleeping hands under the sheet. She knew she would never walk away from this, regardless of how much she loved her daughter.

But John...John might. He probably would, if she was honest. Sooner or later, if he didn’t simply outlive her, he would leave. Either for a more conventional household or for the man he had been looking at longingly for years now.

Mary sighed. She knew what she had to do. Even if it wasn’t Sherlock John was texting. Even if she had years left with the man who had made her more whole than ever before...it would be irresponsible to not prepare.

She brought John's hand up to her lips and kissed it softly. “Sleep well, my darling.”

  
  
  


The next day she bought a video camera and a pack of blank CDs.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed. Btw, does anyone else think Mary would've realized John's infidelity? If he's as bad an actor as everyone claims and she's as smart as we're lead to believe, I can't imagine her not knowing.  
> Also, I had some trouble writing Mary as a morally-gray character; if anyone has any tips that would be helpful.  
> Thank you so much for reading.


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